“I don't want to give a straight answer. I'm going to vaguely imply something about rules instead.”
What they said. What they meant.
Plain-language translations from the House of Commons.
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A bill to make many changes to Canada's immigration and border control laws. During debate, Conservatives asked questions about specific cases and raised concerns about fraud, while the Liberal minister responded but often discussed unrelated topics like Canada Summer Jobs and praised a Liberal colleague.
“I don't like the Conservative's characterization. I'm assuring you the law has strict rules. Applicants must prove their ancestry.”
“I won't answer numbers. I'll just say rules exist and move on.”
“I don't like your accusation. I'll just repeat myself until it goes away.”
“What the minister told cabinet is none of your business. Trust us, it's fine.”
“I don't need to answer your specific question. I think you should already know what I think.”
“I'm defending the existing law. This law gives us more control over citizenship. That's good.”
“I want to look like I'm doing something about the fraud everyone has heard about in this immigration program. To do that, I'm emphasizing how I've talked about the problem transparently in public. But notice I don't give any specifics on how I'll actually fix the underlying issues - I just keep repeating that we've 'paused' the program. My real goal here is to sound competent and in control, not to commit to any difficult policy changes that would stop the fraud.”
“Don't put words in my mouth. The program was paused because it was uncontrollable. I don't want to admit that my department did anything wrong. I'm going to blame the high volume of applications instead.”
“I'm the minister and I'm saying the department is looking at it.”
“Okay, yes, the website does say it takes 10 years to get a start-up visa in Canada. But 80% of applications are processed within our service standards! See, we're hitting our own targets. And we're doing our best to train staff to keep up with demand. What more do you want from us?”
“I'm going to keep talking so I don't have to answer the question. I want you to think I care without giving you a real answer.”
“I don't want to say who's paying. The program is normal just like other programs.”
“These measures are temporary. I want you to think the provinces will cover these people soon.”
“Criminals should be punished. I don't want to talk about my weird word choice.”
“I don't want to directly answer your jab. I want to brag we are tough and investing in cops. We cut some health benefits for migrants and I think that sounds good.”
“I already said we're deporting people and putting more officers on it. We're doing things to protect you.”
“I'm going to pretend I don't understand your question so I don't have to answer it.”
“You want to talk about how long my program actually lasts. I don't want to answer that. Let's get back to scary stories about crime instead.”
“I want to talk about crime because I don't want to answer your question. Crime is bad. Let's spend money to fight crime.”